Sarah Gone Wild

Posts Tagged ‘the big 3-0’

Okay, not until tomorrow, but still. It’s weird to say. I just never thought about us aging, you know? Same goes for my parents. My stepdad is now 50 and my mom is just a teensy bit older, so it’s so odd to me to say my parents are in their 50s. They need to stop aging. It’s freaking me out.

But anyway. The party on Saturday was a huge success. Mom, I love you dearly, but why do you insist on inviting your friends to parties for your kids? Jules doesn’t like most of those people, so she wasn’t thrilled to see them, but she got over it and ended up having a blast.

It started with us showing up with Edward, giving her flowers and telling her Edward was coming to dinner. She almost wouldn’t leave the house. I had to give in and tell her he would just join us for ice cream. She bought it and walked to the car. Then we tried to blindfold her and tell her we were going somewhere special for dinner. She freaked out. I mean, she almost went back inside. We convinced her that only family would be there but we planned the whole thing so she’d be surprised. She eventually let us put on the blindfold and we headed to the house.

We walked her in and she figured out where we were – turns out, she could see straight down and recognized the steps. We took off the blindfold and everyone yelled surprise…and she almost cried. Not out of happiness, but out of discomfort. I felt bad, but she got over it and went to hang out with her friends. Of course, the evil S&M showed up (Mom couldn’t very well invite one uncle and not the other, so he couldn’t invite S without M…unfortunately). Apparently, M had been to rehab shortly after my wedding (where she spent the reception passed out in my uncle’s truck), but it didn’t stick. She was drunk as that kangaroo in Australia that broke into garage fridges and drank the beer. She was high, too, but only on weed this time. Perhaps part of rehab worked because she was far less twitchy than normal, leading me to think that she has kicked the meth habit. At least for now. She’s a stupid whore, so I’m sure she’ll start back up.

Aside from a few lowlights like that, the evening was a blast. You can see the pics of the goodies I baked at that other blog, and I completely blanked on taking pictures once we got in the house and the party was in full swing. Dang. But Jules was glad we had Edward in the car so her friends could take pictures with him. I stood him behind her while she opened gifts and the pics from that are hilarious.

The one thing I learned was that a few of my mom’s friends are a total blast to play games with – like Apples to Apples and Catch Phrase. I can’t wait to have another game night and play these – we were laughing our asses off all night. The highlights:

• SherBear, who is 54, was up to give clues on Catch Phrase. She saw her phrase and immediately said, “Can I say buttfuck?” We were rolling. She was laughing so hard she could only give a few more clues, like “catcher” and “up the butt.” When the time was up, I (being on the other team) yelled, “Sodomy!” She said I was close and added, “From the Bible.” I said “Sodom and Gomorrah!” And I was right. So wrong. Buttfuck + bible = right anwer.
• During Apples to Apples, someone laid down a green card that said, “Intelligent.” We all laid down red cards with words we thought exemplified Intelligent (you know, ’cause that’s how the game works). Someone laid down Hellen Keller and the green card person chose that answer. My sister said, “Yay! That was mine!” And so I said, in my best Special Ed voice, “Yaaaaaaay!” Everyone went silent. I thought, well, maybe no one got it. Maybe it’s too soon? Naw. Then everyone busted up laughing. We were crying. When my mom came in, we reenacted it, but it was definitely a “had to be there” moment. Still funny enough to write about, though.
• My sister, who was on SherBear’s team, had a phrase during Catch Phrase that included the word “Blow.” She couldn’t think of a good clue, so she puckered her lips and blew. SherBear immediately yelled, “Blow! Blow job!” She was wrong. On many levels.
• Again during Catch Phrase, I got “Netherlands.” So my clue was, “The name of where Michael Jackson lives, except the real country!” One teammate looked confused but then said, “Neverland?” I replied, “Yeah, but now make it real.” He says, “Netherlands?” Jackpot. We won that round.
• During Apples to Apples, the word “Horrifying” was played. I finally got to lay down the card that said “My high school prom.” Doesn’t matter which – in hindsight, both were awful. I’m just glad D finally accepted that he is gay. I could tell he was overcompensating by the sheer amount of tongue he used when we made out in his friend’s back seat on the way home from a Ben Folds Five concert. And as far as J goes, well, they call it a Cavequeer for a reason…

All in all, the night was a blast. If anyone wants to get together for a game night that includes Apples to Apples and Catch Phrase, I’m in. I’ll bring the video camera. And Edward. Hehe.

What’s that, Edward? You miss me and want me to come visit you at Julie’s? It’s okay, we have a date on the 21st. Don’t be jealous, Mr. T. He’s just cardboard. Rice cakes taste like cardboard.

It’s okay. Don’t be so surprised. I’m married. Sorry, you just waited too long. I loved you in your Harry Potter days, but you were just too slow to realize.