Posts Tagged ‘pity party’
Bad timing, I know. I should just be thankful to be employed at all. I try to be thankful. I try so hard I get migraines from the effort. I love my coworkers. If I met any one of the people I work with outside these walls, I’m sure we’d be great friends. In fact, I really do consider some of them to be real life, social friends.
But I just can’t handle being confused and frustrated every single day. I’m so tired. I’m tired of going in circles for hours, only to come to a conclusion that is rendered irrelevant the next morning. I’m tired of going days without much work, only to find out that had information been provided sooner, we could be working on two campaigns that now have to be completed within the next two months. I’m tired of being incredibly angry all the time. I’m tired of misaligned priorities, doing the work of other people, seeing constant mistakes being made in front of the client, feeling like I’m fighting the same battles every single day…I’m just tired.
No one said working for a start up would be easy. Then again, no one told me I had a choice in the matter. I need the paycheck. Some days, I enjoy the work. Every single day, though, I wake up with a pit of dread in my stomach, a feeling that no matter how hard I try, today won’t be any better than the others. Unfortunately, I am usually right.
I’ve tried to change my path, but in this job market, it’s hard to say “Hey, look. I know my resume says I have a creative background, but I swear I’m good at marketing management” and expect to be taken seriously. I have my MBA, I know what I’m doing and I’m intelligent and willing to learn the things I don’t know. If someone would just give me a chance, I know it would pay off. I work hard, I learn insanely fast, I’m passionate and I bring baked goods to work – what’s not to love?
I hate sounding like a brat, because I know I really just need to suck it up and be grateful I’m even employed. Especially after watching 20 coworkers get laid off and then being told I now work for a new company that wasn’t even supposed to exist until four months ago. It took a lot of guts to start the company, and I respect that. The bottom line is, I shouldn’t spend the majority of my life fighting battles in the name of someone else’s company. If I’m going to put this much effort into something, it should be something I really care about, not advertising cable, phone and internet or telling lies on behalf of car people. But no one said life is fair, and my story isn’t so different from anyone else’s, so I’ll go back to sucking it up and being miserable and liking it.
If I just had $100,000…
Yeah, yeah, I’m a crier. We know this. Especially when left alone with my thoughts in the silence of a radio-free tanning bed, apparently.
I hopped into my favorite bronzing bed for ten minutes of much-needed relaxation and pigment modification, with the hopes of squeezing in a nap. I should have known that wouldn’t happen, but I had hopes. Instead, my mind started racing, thinking about everything I need to do and everything that’s going on (all of this, while I was breathing! Imagine that!). Naturally, my thoughts turned to my parents moving and my sister trying to move, which led to one ultimate conclusion that led to the aforementioned tears…Grandma was the glue that held us together, and now that the glue is gone, my family is falling apart.
Let me tell you something about crying in a tanning bed – it’s retarded. Don’t do it. The goggles get all full of tears and then the tears start sliding down your face, only to be blown every which way across your face and down your neck before they dry into salty lines of pathetic misery that, if you aren’t careful, can actually cause your tanning efforts to make you look like a pasty version of Mike Tyson. Luckily, I wiped mine away before that could happen to me (again – hey, at least I learned my lesson).
But really…I never see my uncles, my aunt spaced on my wedding shower (I don’t generally care about getting gifts, but when a family member that I actually like fails to come to a shower because she FORGOT about it, that means she owes me something really good…it never would have happened if Grandma were here), my mom is moving three hours away, my sister wants to move to stupid Michigan and my cat keeps trying to run away. I doubt the latter has anything to do with this thought process, but it’s been pissing me off…no balls, no claws, do the math, you blue-eyed devil! (For the record, my cat actually does have blue eyes…and might actually BE the devil.)
*Sigh* What’s a girl to do? Once my family has moved away, it’ll just be me, Mr. T, Tedders and the spawn of Satan sitting around, staring at each other. Mr. T is so busy that it’ll most likely end up being just me, the dog and Hellkitteh staring at each other, especially when the wedding is over. At least I can stay distracted with that for now (hey, I found a bright side!)…
Ah, fucket. I can’t change it, so I have to deal with it. And by “deal with it,” I of course mean “avoid it, drink heavily and wallow in self pity.” Who wants to join me? Pity parties are more fun when you’re not alone! Besides, I’ve been told that drinking by myself might qualify me to be an alcoholic…you don’t want me to be an alcoholic, right?
Speaking of wallowing, I sure have been eating like a pig lately. I feel like a total porker. Maybe I’ll address that tomorrow – I’ve been considering attempting to start the GM diet to detox my system, but I hate tomatoes and don’t eat much beef, so a few days will be difficult. (Have I ever mentioned how picky I am when it comes to food? I’ll save that for another day, but it’s ridiculous.)
But before any crazy detox starts, I will spend the evening gorging myself on pasta followed by enjoying some old school entertainment – Boyz II Men at Live off the Levee! That’s right, you are SO jealous. You are going to miss action like this: