Or both, whatever.
This past weekend, we went to Henderson/Mountain Home, Arkansas for a “family reunion” on T’s side. Actually, it was a surprise 90th birthday party for T’s grandma and grandpa, who both turn 90 within a month of each other. First, the highlight and reason we were there, T’s freaking adorable grandparents, Tony and Vivian:
Aren’t they so cute? Funny story: Tony still pats Vivian on the ass – he’s a P.I.M.P. The last time they stayed at T’s aunt’s house, when they were leaving, Tony said, “You might want to change the sheets. I got lucky this weekend!” To which Vivian replied, “Anthony Cletus! Nothing happened!” He just laughed and winked. Here’s a shot of Tony in action:
Vivian CRIED when she got out of the car – she had no clue that half the people who were there were even coming. She cried when she opened her cards (she started when she opened ours and saw the money inside – I was relieved she was crying about the gift and not the card because it had prairie dogs on the front and inside said, “Do I smell old people?”). Damn it, I hate it when old people cry! Not fair. Look at that face!
Anyway, those are all the pics you’re getting because I didn’t remember to take any. These were from T’s dad. Now on to the funny stuff:
- Driving down, we passed through Licking, MO. If that’s not funny enough on its own, one of the first businesses we saw was Licking Self Storage. I didn’t know storage was required for that, but more power to ya.
- Did you know that Houston, MO is in Texas County? I didn’t realize Missouri had such an inferiority complex.
- While at the Mountain Home Walmart, I decided to grab some iced coffees from Mickey D’s (I figured it had to be better than the hotel’s swill). While standing there, waiting for my order, a voice whispers in my ear, “I like to see a woman in a dress.” I looked around and saw a creepy old man walking away. He turned and winked. I chuckled uncomfortably…
- Leaving said Walmart, we approached my car to see a toothless old fellow standing behind it, staring at it like it was an alien visitor…he saw us walk up, jumped a little and smiled. “Is this your car?” he asked. “Yep! Sure is!” I replied. He squinted at it once more, muttered, “Scion…” and walked away.
- When T’s grandpa was walking around the party, he stopped and looked at me and said, “Look at that broad! What are you doing later?” I laughed (how could you not???) and said, “I don’t know, you might want to ask T.” To which Tony replied, “Well, do you want to ask him or do you want to have fun?” Wink. He was quite a character.
- We spent some time at the hotel pool and hot tub Saturday night. That is, until one of the girls disrobed her two year old daughter and let her climb into the hot tub, buck-ass nekkid. I immediately left the water and did not return. No diaper, no deal. This isn’t grammy’s house, put some goddamn clothes on that kid.
- T’s sister met a cowboy at the pool and we had a drink with him and his friends. Later, T’s sister told us we missed all the times they said, “I was talkin’ to your kin earlier…” Kin. Wow. I reckon they don’t go to the big city much.
- On the way home Sunday, we stopped at a cute town to go antique shopping. I found a cool vintage corkscrew, a wood-bound cocktail recipe book and an awesome metal cake pan/storage thing…but what I DIDN’T buy and am now regretting 1000% was a vintage Schwinn bike. It was purple and gorgeous. A little bit of rust and a few fender dings, but that’s to be expected. I didn’t buy it and now I’m totally kicking myself. I want that bike. I need that bike. I have to own that bike!!! I see a long drive in my future…
It was an interesting weekend, to say the least, but it was also relaxing and enjoyable. Thanks to the Reverend and missus for watching our sweet Teddy for us…you may be getting to see him soon, if that bike doesn’t get out of my head soon. This isn’t it, but it looked like this:
Oh, how I love thee. WHY DIDN’T I BUY YOU????
One more note…IT’S ALMOST HERE!!!!!!