Do It Anyway

Do It Anyway

Several weeks ago, I bought myself a motivational present to look at each day and help keep me pushing through the endless cycle of workouts that is Ironman training.

“Do It Anyway” Mantra band

I’m not big on jewelry (or wearing pants, for that matter), but I’ve worn this pretty much every single day since it arrived. And while this phrase may not seem very motivating, as someone with sometimes debilitating anxiety, this is pretty much a life mantra for me. Well, my two main mantras are “Fake it till you make it” and “Suck it up, Buttercup”, but neither of those were available. So “Do it anyway” was the best I could do, and frankly, it’s working out pretty well. Some people are motivated by things like this:

Which does feel pretty good to read, and I can feel the warm fuzzies. But ask my husband – warm fuzzies (unless you are literally talking about snuggling a warm, fuzzy animal) don’t really float my boat. This is more how I roll, full of sarcasm and memes:

So. Do it anyway. Brings me to this morning. This week’s training plan shifted a bit to include more bike time versus run time. Yesterday, I was up at 4:20 to hit the bike trainer for an hour and then run for 45 minutes before work. I was still feeling a bit saddle sore from my 3 hour ride on Saturday (I have MAJOR saddle issues, and am hoping saddle #1,000,983 that’s being installed tomorrow does the trick), then yesterday’s hour amplified my tenderness…so when my alarm went off at 5 today for an hour of cadence and climbing work, I laid there for a good 10 minutes debating if today was the day I missed a workout.

Something to note about me…I’ve been called a perfectionist about a gazillion times in my lifetime, though as a mediocre triathlete, I struggle to apply that phrase to this part of my life. I’ll just say I’m very ‘checklist driven’…my training plan is a checklist of workouts, and I feel deeply, critically compelled to check every single goddamned one of those f&$kers off the list. So while some athletes adhere to an 80% approach, I’m the all-or-nothing athlete. I either do all of my workouts as written, or I stay in bed eating pizza for weeks on end (okay, that may be hyperbole, but doesn’t it sound amazing???).

Thus the reason “Do it anyway” is motivating for me. Did I WANT to get out of my cozy bed to smear my most delicate bits with chamois cream and force them upon a split-nosed throne of excruciating torture for an hour? Shit no.

Did I do it anyway? Begrudgingly, grumpily, painfully yes.

And now I sit at my desk, wishing I didn’t have to wear underwear like a civilized human and questioning how I will survive bike training for another four and a half months.

After a few amazing weeks of great training and a fantastic first race, I’ve hit a lull in motivation. I can feel the pull of anxiety and depression waiting under the surface. I’ve been so great at conquering them lately, but after a less than perfect week of nutrition and a travel-induced anxiety attack last week, their pull is growing. It’s a reminder to be extra grateful for the days where I love my workouts and easily get out of bed to face whatever life has to offer…because I’ve had so many days where just being alive takes all the energy I have, and I don’t know how I’ll sustain training if those days return. But if they do, hopefully I have the strength to simply DO IT ANYWAY.

Since things got so serious there at the end, let’s return to my comfort zone with a little self deprecation. I made you guys a meme gif to make fun of this series of pictures of me getting out of the water. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A MORE AWKWARD HUMAN?? This might be the most Chandler I’ve ever Chandlered in photos. This is what happens when you point a camera at me…smile, look natural, yeah, you’re nailing it!

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