If you know me at all, through the blog or real life, you know that it’s very unlike me to be all ‘I’m so awesome’ and shit. And most of that is due to a lack of self esteem, because if I don’t believe it, I sure as hell don’t expect anyone else to believe it. That whole ‘fake it till you make it’ plan never really seemed to work for me.
But as of lately, I’ve committed to trying to be a bit more positive. Still ranty, cranky and hangry, sure, but I’m trying to find the bright side of things when I can. I won’t be barfing rainbows or gushing about how cute your baby is, but I am trying to give myself (and a portion of humankind) a little more credit than I have in the past, and with that comes what I think is a tolerable level of optimism and positivity. Like this.
So now that I’ve cleared that up, on to the cheering squad part of this post.
As I’m sure I’ve made annoyingly clear, I just wrapped up my second round of the 21-Day Sugar Detox. Duh. Technically I’m on day 23 at this point as I haven’t brought any sugar/carbs back into my diet…yet. I did buy some dried mango and some holiday grapes, but I am trying to avoid a total bender, so I’ve held off on indulging in them. But I will.
The thing is, this round really opened my eyes a lot more than the first try. I nailed it…I did everything right, didn’t slip up and even survived the flu without giving in. And the result? I FINALLY broke through a weight/body fat plateau I’ve been dealing with for months. For the first time, I actually feel SKINNY. Not like fashion skinny, or reality TV skinny, or model skinny, but Sarah skinny. That’s HUGE. I may have felt smaller in the past, but I haven’t ever really felt normal sized. You know, go-in-public-with-your-head-held-high-because-you-like-yourself sized. That’s been foreign to me my whole life. Until now.
So my body fat has dropped in the course of tightening up my nutrition this time. That’s rad, but the best part is that it’s shown me better ways to feed my body’s needs. My relationship with food is getting healthier. It’s not a crutch anymore. I enjoy clean eating – I can make some seriously delicious noms, and I’ve come to love lots of amazing new foods I never used to eat. But I will never live the rest of my life without alcohol, or my mom’s homemade apple pie, or cheese, or pizza…OMG PIZZA…so when I REALLY want those things, I have them. I deal with how terrible they make me feel, because sometimes the ease of just going with the flow with my friends or family is so much better than being nit picky about what kind of oil is in a salad dressing. Bottom line, I’m not just ‘on a diet’…I’m living. And it’s awesome. And I look pretty dang good, and feel amazingly great.
For the first time, I feel like I’m capable of things ‘normal’ people do. Going shopping and having choices in what to buy because things fit. Being in front of a group without feeling like everyone is secretly calling me fat. Walking down the street without staring at the ground because I’m embarrassed for my friends to have to be seen with me in public. These are things that have plagued me my whole life, and for the first time, I don’t feel constrained by my mind’s negative hold on me. I can be proud of my accomplishments. I can be proud of who I am, inside and out. No, I’m not ‘done’ yet. I may never be ‘done’ – I want to continue to grow and learn and improve – but I’m in a really good place, physically, mentally, emotionally, for the first time maybe in my entire life. And that’s amazing.
I mean, just look at this, would ya??
So there you have it. I’m publicly proclaiming that I’m finally okay with who I am. I’m flawed, but I’m also pretty dang awesome. YAY, ME!