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Wedding? I may not make it out alive.

If karma’s a bitch, apparently so am I. Ah, fuck it. I just hope I make it to my wedding day in one piece with a few less scratches, open wounds and bug bites. Not that I’m not usually a little accident prone, but lately things have gotten out of hand.

Last Tuesday, after playing volleyball and acquiring several new bug bites, I came home and went outside to give my pooch some much-needed attention. I know he’s been love-deprived lately, but things are just so busy! He’s apparently a little bitter because he sucker┬ápunched me in my face. He’s got some claws for sure, but he also had insanely strong doggy fingers, so I’m really glad he didn’t rip my eye out of its socket. As I ran inside to inspect the damage, he decided to step on my foot for good measure. Ouch! He did scratch the surface of my eyeball and my face, but that has all healed nicely.

Fast forward to my insanely fun bachelorette partaaaay on Saturday. After a delish dinner at Trailhead Brewery, the gang loaded into a giant school bus (we requested the short bus, but they wouldn’t oblige) and headed to the Grey Fox Pub for some drinks and drag. The first queen comes out into the audience to collect dollar bills. I hold up five from my friends and she leans over for me to put it in the top of her dress. I stuck it in, she grabbed my head, shoved it into her manly bosom and shimmied. Her dress was covered in sequins and now I have five scratches on my upper left cheek. Collateral damage from a drag show? Awesome. It’s already healing, so I’m not too concerned.

Then we decided to take a day long float yesterday. My dumb ass didn’t want to wear tennis shoes in the river and we couldn’t find water shoes, so I hopped in the river to cool off wearing my flip flops. That obviously didn’t work out well – I lost a flip flop and stepped on something sharp, which embedded itself into the bottom of my right foot. I can seem to get it out, it hurts like a motha and I have to walk with a slight limp to compensate for the inflamed area. I’m pretty sure it will heal, but WTF?

I’m just curious what I did to bring about this odd and funny sequence of events. Like I said, regardless if I gimp down the aisle with a face full of drag wounds, I will ultimately be married to my Mr. T. That’s all that really matters, so what the hell? Bring it on, Karma Chameleon. I’ve got the sprinkler loaded and waiting. It’s hammer time.

Rangoon, anyone?

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3 Responses to “Wedding? I may not make it out alive.”

  1. Nicole Says:

    Oh, you poor thing with all your random hurtsies! Glad to hear your b-party was a blast though!!! Let the countdown toward married normalcy begin!

  2. Maria Says:

    Sarah, I have klutz issues as well. A month ago we were at Jeff’s Aunt’s house swimming, and I slipped on some water on the deck stairs and fell down about 3 of the steps on my arse. It’s just now starting to feel better.

    Then last week (at work), I was on the way to the mail room to drop off my shower thank you notes and my foot got caught on something. I fell down some of the stairs. Luckily I grabbed onto the handrail to keep the fall to a minimum. I have a nasty bruise on my upper left thigh and a cut on my lower left leg. Suffice it to say, I’m really careful whenever I go down any type of stairs!!

  3. Claire Says:

    Look at it this way…at least your owwies have good stories to go with them. REALLY good ones. I’ve done a lot of things, but I’ve never been injured at a drag show.

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