Day 17 of 21: Meh.

I don’t know if my work trip yesterday threw me off my game, or if I’m just having a blah week in general, but I am NOT in a good mood today. I’m not crabby or in a BAD mood, but I just feel like everything is just meh.

I woke up yesterday, flew to KY (I HATE flying), ate a homemade snack I brought on the way to our meeting, ate the turkey meat off of two sandwiches, along with some bacon (yes, I ate bacon and didn’t hate it!!!), snacked on pistachios, grabbed some grilled salmon and lima beans before heading back to the airport and ended the day with a yummy grilled grassfed burger with…dare I say it?…more bacon.

Then today, my stomach was screwy and the scale fluctuated up. I blame the bacon.

I also worry that I’m replacing my crutches with other crutches. Instead of eating a ton more veggies, I’m snacking on nuts more. I’m getting more veggies for sure, but I could be doing far better. But then I think about all the fruit I’m missing out on, and I get frustrated that I’m beating myself up for having raw almonds or pistachios. I want a strawberry, dammit, not some cauliflower! And pistachios are a good choice…but veggies would be even better.

But I guess that’s kind of the point.

I can drink black coffee now and enjoy it. I like that. I don’t want to lose the taste I’ve developed for new things. But as the end of the detox approaches, I look forward to enjoying fruit again…and I’m torn about that. No, I won’t live the rest of my life denying myself an entire group of healthy, natural foods. As I’ve said, nutrition is personal, and my personal preference is to have fruits. But I know I need to keep it limited so I don’t go right back to being a sugarholic and undoing the good I’ve done.

But today it’s hard to see any good. The scale is back where it was at the beginning (I know, it changes so much day to day), I don’t feel much leaner, I am not currently feeling crazy energetic, and I feel like I must be doing something wrong. This detox was supposed to be such an amazing change. How am I not feeling amazing all the time? I’ve had a couple rad days, but this week…not so much.

It could be the amount of things I have on my plate. The detox and eating clean is its own bit of work, but one I welcome. Then I have actual work, plus freelance projects I’ve picked up, plus the stress of prepping for and trying to fit in spin auditions and then, eventually, actual classes, all on top of the tri training and personal training I already do each week. Plus, you know, having a life. As I’ve said before, some days I feel like I have balance.. This is not one of those days. Or weeks.

I struggled through Monday’s workout with J-Derp. I had a hard time focusing a few times in my meeting yesterday. I’m bummed today and don’t feel like myself. What gives? What am I doing wrong? Maybe there was something I shouldn’t eat in the one restaurant meal I had on my trip yesterday…but that doesn’t explain Monday. I feel bloated today and the giggly poops took a vacay day, so maybe bacon really just isn’t for me? Or maybe I ate too much meat yesterday in comparison to my norm, or just not enough veggies?

That’s a whole separate topic…meat. Ugh. I’m not a crazy carnivore. I tolerate chicken (only love it when it’s shredded, go ahead and judge), I love turkey meat (ground, smoked, whatever), I’m eating more grassfed GROUND beef and I adore seafood. I hate steak. I don’t dig pork (though again, shredded is preferred). And I just don’t love eating it all the time. I even tossed out my homemade turkey sausage from my breakfast sammie this morning because eating meat was grossing me out too much. So what the heck am I supposed to eat?

Clearly, this is one of my ‘woe is me, my choices are so hard, pity me’ days and those suck. These are the right choices made for the right reasons, and I love them most of the time. But today, surrounded by office bday treats and talks of July 4th cocktails and trips, I’m just feeling deprived and failing to see the good in my great new habits.

So please don’t yell at me for bemoaning something I have total control over. I know this is my choice. I just need a little bit of support right now, because life is feeling a bit overwhelming. But hey, it’s halfway through WedFriday, and I have 4 days of detox and relaxation in front of me…so hopefully those two will get along peacefully. Thank glob for Pinterest, that’s all I have to say.

And just because it makes me laugh, and I need that:

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