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Archive for April, 2010

No, sir, God does NOT hate boobs.

posted on Monday, April 27th, 2010 under General Ramblings, Things that piss me off |

I was watching the news this morning (always a mistake, but I have to know what weather to dress for and those sneaky rat bastards are constantly drizzling weather nuggets throughout the whole damn show so you have to watch at least 3 segments before you really know what’s 50% likely to happen outside today…and doesn’t “weather nuggets” sound like it’s gonna rain poo?? That’d be disgusting but funny from inside…).

Anyway, I caught a preview of the story they were doing on Boobquake. If you’re not familiar, read the Facebook page. I happen to find it hilarious that a religious nutball thinks immodest dress causes earthquakes (and it pisses me off that he also believes a woman’s form of dress essentially validates rape and adultery as it causes men to “go astray,” which in turn causes earthquakes). But what really made me laugh till I farted (I like to think my ass was laughing, too) was a video clip of a protest where a man was holding a sign that read, “GOD HATES BOOBS!” Even funnier? The “oo” was blurred out. Really? We feel the need to censor to WORD boob? Wowza.

God hates boobs, eh? I’ll play your game for a second, you self-righteous bigot. Let’s say I absolutely believe in God. God created everything. God wants humans to procreate and thus created humans to do so. Okay, if that’s true, then obviously God created boobs. They feed the children born through the process God created. So how, pray tell, does it even make an inkling of sense in your warped misogynistic brain that God hates boobs when HE created them for HIS OWN purposes?

This is just another prime example of why religion really gets my goat. People use it to further their own personal agendas, when it’s convenient anyway. In claiming to be religious, he’s creating his own black hole of hypocrisy by stating that God hates a piece of the very anatomy he created. Perhaps he meant that God hates women who don’t keep their boobs to themselves…I could see the justification in his small little brain for that. Even then I don’t agree, but that’s at least a religiously valid argument.

So the moral of this lesson is: Don’t watch the news. Ever. It’s just gonna piss you off and make your ass laugh.

Happy Tuesday, my boobylicious friends.

I only like large balls flying at my face

posted on Monday, April 23rd, 2010 under General Ramblings |

I miss volleyball. I really hope to get to play this summer. In the meantime, I am a sub for our work softball team…and by “sub” I mean the best benchwarmer ever unless you have to forfeit if I don’t go on the field.

I used to play a little softball when I was a kid, but I mostly stood in the outfield, did cartwheels and made dandelion chains. For sure I wasn’t the star player. I eventually quit (I think Mom got tired of watching me do nothing).

I played for a company team when I was a summer intern a few years ago. I didn’t have a problem playing then. I was actually pretty good with the bat – I seem to have an innate urge to hit things.

But now…the idea of going out in the field or standing at the plate, waiting for balls to come flying my way, just doesn’t seem like a good plan. Volleyballs are big and don’t hurt all that much when they hit you (unless Gaby Reese is hitting them at you). Softballs, however, are smaller, heavier and much more threatening. And I can’t catch. Or really throw. And I don’t know if I could hit…so really, I’m a big sissy.

I want to play. I love that our company has a bowling team and a softball team (and hopefully a volleyball team!). It’s nice to be a part of a group that actually likes each other. It’s still a little foreign to me. We literally have team players. Amazing. But I’m still not ready for neon yellow balls to be chucked at me. Check again later.

I’m selective about balls, what can I say?

Bad balls. Very bad balls.

Because it's funny

It’s hard to believe it’s been 2 years…

posted on Monday, April 19th, 2010 under General Ramblings, Gushy stuff |

Yesterday was the 2nd anniversary of living without Grandma V. I’ve been avoiding thinking of her much lately because it still hurts so much. Or if we talk about her, I pretend like she’s not gone. But when we go visit her grave, I can’t pretend. I miss her so much, and I know my mom and family miss her like crazy, too. It’s not easy. I take solace in remembering the good times, but for some reason, right now I’m haunted by the bad ones.

I remember every second of the night she passed. I remember all the times I got mad at her. I remember the time I accidentally shut the car door on her hand and it really hurt her. I remember all the times we rushed out of the nursing home because we had other things to do. None of those “other things” were nearly as important as spending every second possible with her that we could…but I didn’t realize it then. I should have. But I didn’t, and now it’s too late. I’m so sorry for that. I can’t undo any of it, but at the moment, I can’t let it go, either.

I took her yellow roses and my mom took her a salmon-colored gardenia. These were two of her favorite flowers. I also took a bouquet to Grandma D – hers had a sunflower in it, and I remember vividly the amazing sunflowers she once had. They towered over six feet tall and looked like a bunch of suns glowing over the rest of her garden. Seeing my anniversary date staring back at me from her grave marker makes me feel guilty. I know she was upset with how I handled a few things regarding the wedding and my biodad, and although I had valid reasons for wanting what I did, I can’t help but think she died with her feelings hurt. I’m so sorry for that, too.

It’s so weird. Why am I feeling so many negative things right now? I loved them both and they loved me, but I can’t help but wonder if I showed them enough how much I cared. I don’t want to lose another person and wonder if they knew. So if I’m a little sappy with you over the next few days or weeks, just know it’s because I love you and you’re important to me. I need my family and friends to know that.

Grandma, I love you more than you could ever know and I miss you more than I ever thought possible. I think about you every day, even when it’s to tell myself I can’t think about you today because it hurts. It will always hurt, but I’m okay with that because it means I was lucky enough to have someone as wonderful as you in my life. I wish I still had you, but please know that I carry you in my heart everywhere I go.

I’ll always be your munchkin.