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Archive for February, 2010

A seasonally timeless rant

posted on Monday, February 19th, 2010 under Things that piss me off |

First, because I will be discussing a topic that is sensitive to most, here’s an important message from the first post I ever wrote:

If you’re offended by things I say, don’t read my blog.

You can keep your snarky comments. I don’t expect people to agree with me or my opinions and I hate it when people don’t understand that overall concept. Everything written here is my opinion. defines “opinion” as:

1. a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty.
2. a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.

Now that that’s cleared up…let me clear up one more thing. I was raised Catholic. Baptized in 4th grade, anyway. Took all the classes, went to PSR and weekly mass. Had to give something up every year for Lent. My confirmation name is Collette. Been there, done that, got pissed at being forced to do that and eventually quit. Haven’t gone back since.

Overall, my feelings on religion have less to do with beliefs as they do with hypocrisy. I don’t honestly know where I stand on the subject of believing in a higher power. I believe in science, and until science and religion can somehow coexist in a logical manner, I just can’t buy into it fully. I don’t buy that, if I live my life like a good person, but swear, have sex for fun, take birth control, drink, dance, believe in equal rights for women, don’t attend church and enjoy R-rated movies, that I’m going to be punished for it when I die. [Note: I'm drawing on multiple religions and denominations, not just Catholicism.]

I think everyone should live by the Golden Rule and we’ll all be just fine. And honestly, that’s the ROOT of most religions…but churches seem to be so much more interested in political agendas and business and money and being the biggest congregation in the state or whatever else they want that they’ve lost sight of the Golden Rule entirely. And the judging. Oh, I can’t stand the judging. I’m not one to quote the Bible, but I’m pretty sure it says something about letting he who is without sin cast the first stone. (Don’t get me started on the sexism.)

I also CANNOT STAND when people preach at me. If I want to learn about religion, I’ll study it academically and seek out the answers I want. I don’t need someone showing up on my doorstep or telling me over dinner what I need to do to keep myself from eternal damnation. No one can REALLY agree on that anyway, so just can it. I don’t need your brochures and I didn’t ask for your prayers for my soul.

So back to the hypocrisy and the root of my rant. It’s Lent season. Which really means little to me other than Mickey D’s is bringing back the Filet O’ Fish song (I really hope they develop that textable video from the new spot). But it really brings to focus how much fucking hypocrisy there is in this world. Don’t you dare go all Nazi-religious for the next few weeks and then return to your cussing, “sin”-filled life as soon as Zombie Jesus Day is over. That makes me sick.

This really applies every day, but this season really brings it to light for me. It’s cool if you use Lent as a reason to try to break a bad habit. I’ve done that. Failed miserably, but I gave it the good old college try. But I admitted that’s what I was doing. I never pretended that I was doing it because I was a good Catholic. It’s cool if you really believe in the reason for it and give something up as part of your belief system. I feel very strongly that, just as I’m allowed to have my opinions and beliefs, everyone else is allowed to have theirs.

But what I absolutely, positively cannot tolerate is phony holier-than-thou bullshit from people who are only holy on Sundays or during key religious seasons. What the fuck does it matter if you go to church every single Sunday if you embezzle millions of dollars from your company during the week? Or cheat on your spouse? Or worse, just use church as a status symbol to further your personal agenda? Or just don’t really believe in the teachings unless it’s convenient for you? Barf. Get over yourself.

Not everyone is perfect in their lives and aren’t really expected to be in most religions, from what I understand. And that’s not what makes me mad. Mostly because those aren’t the people who throw religion around like they’re some kind of saint or something.

I just can’t stand the deceit that seems to have permeated so much of our culture today. I don’t wish anybody harm, I genuinely want to be a useful part of society and I really do care about the people around me. If that means some unseen force is going to punish me when I die, then I guess that’s just too bad. I just hope there’s a Filet O’ Fish waiting to welcome me to hell.

So, maybe I lost my mind a little…

posted on Monday, February 16th, 2010 under General Ramblings |

…and shouldn’t you help the mentally unstable? I vote yes!

Last week, I joined my friend Wally in her quest to raise money and awareness for MS and MS research. Both she and another wonderful friend of mine, Toofs, have MS and deal with it on a daily basis. The quest? Raise $1,000 by May 20th and then walk 50 miles over the span of 3 days.

Did you figure out the crazy part?

Yep, 50 miles. I don’t know why, but it never even occurred to me that the walk part would be difficult…until the other day. Now, I’m a bit nervous. I trained for a marathon for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society a few years ago, but didn’t meet my fundraising minimum and stopped training at 22 miles. And let me tell you, those 22 miles HURT. Granted, I was running and walking, and this time I’ll just be walking, but that still requires feet and movement and blisters.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m really, really excited to be doing this for Wally and Toofs, and everyone else who struggles with MS every single day. And I’m excited to challenge myself physically…I’ve been wanting to do something like this for a while but didn’t have the right motivation. Now, I’ve got it and I’m determined to do this. And for that, I think maybe I’ve lost my mind.

So here’s the scoop. The more money we raise, the closer we get to a cure. That’s where you guys come in…some of you have received an email from me, but if you didn’t and are interested in chipping in even $5, I would be so appreciative. Just visit my personal page and you can make your tax-deductible donation. If you’re a lurker and don’t want me to know who you are, you can make your donation anonymously.

I’ve already raised $225 thanks to the generosity of super awesome people (like you). But this isn’t just about raising money. I need tips, people. Advice on how not to die on day two, when my legs have figured out what 20 miles feels like. I know a lot about clothing and all that from my prior training, but I’ve never attempted a distance like this and definitely not a journey over multiple days. Given that I’ll be staying at the community college at night, ice baths probably aren’t an option. As much as those suck, they’re a major muscle saver.

Bottom line, I’m really excited but really nervous to do this. I have less than 4 months to get ready (the walk is in June), but I can totally do this…right? Maybe I should plan on taking the following Monday off work as well in case I can’t walk much after day three.

Thanks in advance for being so awesome! I wish there were cures for everything bad in the world, but maybe we can knock these out one marathon at a time…here’s looking forward to the finish line!

Fart sounds are funny. Not the smell.

posted on Monday, February 1st, 2010 under General Ramblings |

Just want to be clear about that. I wish there was something you could do to keep farts from smelling, because I’ve been producing some of the funniest sounding farts of my life and I’d really like to show that off.

Moving on.

I’ve been working on my sister’s website for her jewelry for a while now, but I’m no developer and I keep getting the same effing error 500 every time I try to upload images to the gallery. If any of you are familiar with Joomla!, I’d be much obliged if you would comment and help me out.

In the meantime, I helped her start her Etsy shop. She is a talented chica – I still can’t get over my wedding jewelry. LOVE! She’s starting small until she gets a better idea of what sells, but if any of you are interested, check out her shop – DesignByJulieJewelry. She’s working on adding pieces in all price ranges, but that shit takes time. That’s something neither of us have in abundance these days. And don’t hate on the design of her banner and avatar. I never claimed to be a designer. I’m just trying to be helpful.

I wore my skinny jeans on Saturday. I am certified skinny jean approved – meaning they were straight AND gay approved. I’ll take that. And I’m not gonna lie…I wasn’t going to ever wear them again until JD said they looked good. I puffy heart JD. I hope he and his Elvis-impersonating ex can make up because they were the cutest couple ever. Hear that, Elvis boy? Ditch the Gaysian.

In other news, I got my wedding set back. I had my rings resized finally (and dipped) and it’s so great to wear them again…finally. Now I hope I can lose my last 10 pounds. I don’t see my fuzzy sausage fingers getting any smaller, but I’d sure like to stop jiggling when I do cardio.

So, my doc put me on a diuretic the last time I went in because I’ve had borderline high BP in the past and this time it was even higher. Yep, I’m 28, just lost over 50 pounds and my BP went up. I call bullshit. This makes me so mad. It’s gotta be genetics, but still…even worse, it’s messing with my workouts. Friday I came home after a milkshake party at work, where I consumed far too many milkshake samples. I decided I had to work out to burn some of that off. I actually got a little sick before I worked out, but I figured I got some of the sugar out of my system and I’d be better off. I turned on level 3 of the Shred and got to it.

I noticed that I was struggling to keep up, but I figured it was because I took a few days off (and a few weeks off from the Shred). I kept at it until circuit three, when I felt like I might pass out and my heart was beating irregularly. I turned off the DVD and laid down on my mat until my heart calmed down. Then I stood up and started walking to the stairs. I got about halfway to the stairs when my vision dimmed and I almost passed out. I got upstairs, showered and laid down for a while. No shit, I felt drunk the rest of the night. I didn’t have anything at all to drink!

So I figured A) I was dehydrated like a mother, B) I’m a little out of shape still (duh) and C) consuming high levels of dairy and sugar right before a workout is probably the worst idea in the history of ever.

I came home tonight and decided to move back to level 2. I managed to get through it, but I couldn’t do all the reps and my heart was going nuts. So now I’m thinking the meds are just fucking with me. Will I get used to this? Will it go away? The suckiest part is my insurance ended yesterday from the old gig and insurance from the new gig doesn’t kick in until March…so I can’t go to the doc or anything. Blech.

Well, I have to pee again (I feel like a preggo or something!). Enjoy these.

Presidential Farts!