Archive for January, 2009
My car is in the shop, and I usually carpool with LaLee, so she’s picking up my slack for a few days. She is also terrified of driving in bad weather, so “unfortunately” I am at her mercy. Hehe. Meaning I get a snow day. Given the slow workload lately, that just means I can watch TV while I play on the internet and wait for client feedback. Woot!
I am currently watching “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry” – I heard it’s not super, but I adore Adam Sandler and always get a good laugh from him, so it’s well worth a try. So far, so good.
Nothing beats working in warm flannel pants (pink with turtles wearing santa hats, thank you very much), sitting on the couch, not wearing a bra and watching TV. Ahhhhh, this is living. Too bad I have to go back to the grind tomorrow. But for today, I shall enjoy the gift of snow. Which, by the way, is only a gift when it means I can stay home. When I have to go outside in it, it is no longer a gift. It is an evil curse brought on by the horror that is winter.
But for now, it is a gift. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Where are my skillz? I’ve asked for them time and time again, and yet, I have no mad skillz. In case you need a bit more persuasion, here is a list of reasons why you should grant me some form of mad skillz:
- I’m not getting any younger. Time is a-wastin’, yo!
- I would really like to be useful to the planet. Sure, not having babies is impressive by some social standards, but I’d like to be more helpful than that.
- I’m bored and getting angsty. Let’s face it – no one really digs angsty sass.
- Mr. T has been deluded by some misaligned form of wishful thinking into believing that I do, in fact, possess mad skillz. He is wrong, so by granting me my due skillz, you will be helping our marriage and making sure that I win this one.
- I don’t even have nunchuck skillz. Therefore, I’d make a pretty crappy ninja. Seeing as how the Mississippi river isn’t really a waterway conducive to pirating, my options are limited. Pirates or ninjas will eventually take over the world, so I’d like to have appropriate skillz to be on one of those teams. Ninja it is, por favor.
- I like big butts and I cannot lie. You otha brothas can’t deny – when a girl walks in without an itty bitty waist and no mad skillz in yo’ face, you get…rather disappointed and hope that some provider of skillz will leave a gift under her pillow tonight. Please? Holla…
- I’ll give you a dollar. Totally worth it.
I rest my case. I know, I should have gone to law school when I had the chance, but unless my granted skillz include time travel, I can’t do anything about that now. So, whaddya say? Deal? Come on, we all know the banker’s an asshat. Show me the skillz! Or just the money! I’ll take either. I’m worth it, L’oreal said so. Don’t make me call Chuck Norris on you. I’ll do it.
What day is it? I feel like I’m in some freaky-deaky time warp or something (let’s do the time warp agaaaaaaain…). It does NOT feel like a Thursday. I’m glad that tomorrow is Friday, but it has been the weirdest week. Work has been slow every single day until 4:45…so, after spending my entire day searching for something to do and being bored out of my ever-loving mind, I get an assignment that causes me to work a little late. Not a huge deal, but still, it’s a bit infuriating.
It’s all because clients can’t do anything until 5:00 the night before the deadline and then demand changes by morning. I love how it’s perfectly fine for them to destroy our timelines because they don’t have time to approve things, but throw a hissy if we can’t make major changes within mere hours. Have you ever had to work with full resolution files? Yeah, it’s time consuming, fuckers. And when you have a teensy ad space because you have no budget, you simply cannot fit a gazillion bullet points in it. It’s an ad, not Shakespearean prose. Keep it simple. Pick a selling point and go with it. You can’t please everyone, so just please me. Thanks.
Why is it only 3:19? It feels like it should be 7:00. The days just never seem to end anymore. Then the weekends fly by so fast that I feel like they never happened. I want to have time to write, really write, but until I invent a time machine or a tree that grows time, I don’t see that happening.
I’m also growing a small human on my chin and I’m so bloated I look like I’m with child. Sometimes, being a female totally sucks donkey nuts. Too bad it would totally blow my healthy eating all week to go home and chow down on homemade chocolate icing. I wonder what’s the worst that could happen?
It’s Tuesday, but I took yesterday off to hang with my mom, so it’s really my Monday. And has it been one hell of a Monday. First of all, I’m congested and snot-headed. Thanks for sharing the cold virus, Mr. T. I owe you one. My nose is full, but not the runny, can’t breathe full. It’s the dry-feeling but booger-filled stuffy that makes you breathe too loudly full. It’s the painful booger full. You know, when you have sharp boogers that stab the other side of your nasal cavity if you scratch your nose at just the right spot and then your eyes fill with tears from the pain and you have to go pick your nose before you go completely berserk…that kind of full. Gross.
Then, the actual work environment has just been weird. Almost everyone came in late (we’re talking 10:00 late) and the energy is so weird. My boss brought in a TV so we could watch the inaugural ceremonies (which no one did because, well, we’re at work…implying that we are working…). Seems innocuous enough, but then she left a status conference call to come over and ask if anyone has a hanger with them so she can get reception on said TV. I have to laugh – who brings a hanger to work? We’re not lawyers with court dates, we’re ad peeps with holey sweaters and stinky shoes. And who still has a TV that needs rabbit ears? Enough to merit the DTV crap, obviously, but still. And why was that important enough to leave a meeting? I mean, she wouldn’t have left if she was vitally needed at that instant, but it cracked me up. She swears she’s not ADD, but I have some bad news for her…
Things just seem off today. And I have a little vent about the inauguration. Preface: I voted for Obama. I think he could do amazing things for our country. That said, before this morning, HE WASN’T EVEN PRESIDENT YET. Aside from his duties as senator, he really hadn’t DONE anything. So why are they already planning on renaming the part of Delmar where I work after him? Yes, it’s a sign that our country is coming around that we have elected a black president. Race personally has no influence on me or my decisions, but I do understand how that alone is a huge deal. He promised to do great things as president and I hope that he does. But why does he ALREADY have 3 books out? Okay, two for him and one on his wife. That’s kinda worse. Really, what has SHE done??? She just married well! Sheesh! I guess I should read the book…but seriously, people. Obama better not fuck this up. As much hope as he has inspired, he is still a politician. And that alone guarantees a certain level of disappointment (*cough* Gene Robinson fiasco *cough*)…
But I digress…back to the actual inauguration. Yes, I know this is historic. I know his election and inauguration mark a major turn in American history. HOWEVER…I also know that our economy is in shambles and in desperate need of help. So explain to me why it’s okay that all this money was spent on the biggest inauguration ever. He claims to be against excess government spending, so why didn’t he put his foot down on this? It just seems extraordinarily wasteful to hold such an expensive series of celebrations when the unemployment rate nationwide is skyrocketing, families are continuing to lose their homes daily and the stock market is unstable at best. Sure, not every party is government-funded, but still. It’s my personal opinion that he would have done well to request the spending be kept to a minimum. The security alone has got to be wreaking havoc on the national debt…
Rant over. Good luck to our new prez – he’s got a hell of a job to do. Let’s just hope his election platform wasn’t all talk. Here’s hoping the next four years bring the change we were promised and so desperately need. Gobama! Don’t fuck this one up.
When someone asks you what the temperature outside is, you’re not supposed to say, “Four.”
Golfers yell “FORE!” to warn others of errant shots.
When someone asks my husband how many cupcakes he wants, he’s likely to say, “Four.”
When asked how many siblings one has, it’s perfectly acceptable to reply, “Four.”
If you ask what “para” translates to in English, one correct response is, indeed, “for.”
It’s just not right for that to be a reply associated with the temperature.
Winter can suck it. I’ve been over this season since before it officially began. And Yahoo!, I don’t need visual reminders that it really is only four degrees outside. Pretend I live in Hawaii. I’ll give you a new ZIP code in a minute…
I want to be a professor. The sooner, the better. I am qualified to teach at the college level, but I have no clue how to get started. I’ve filled out an app for a spot at a local community college, but now I need to find my undergrad and grad transcripts – such a pain! I know I have them somewhere at home, but it might be faster to just order a set…ick.
But really, I have loved school my whole life. I love learning new things, and there is no better way to learn than to teach…combine that with my dislike for snot-faced mini-peeps, and that leaves me with only one real choice – to teach at the college level. I think I would be really good at it. I know what I liked and didn’t like about school, I know that it’s not fair to grade everyone the same and to expect group projects to work out well for everyone, I know not everyone tests well…and I would structure my courses accordingly, with a broad variety of tests, papers and projects that students can choose from and complete throughout the semester. Class would be FUN – I remember actually wanting to go to some classes just to hear those professors speak. I also understand that sometimes going to class sucks, so the first day would include an opportunity to find a partner in the class to trade info with for the sole purpose of getting notes and materials missed when you skip class. I get excited just thinking about planning things like this. I know it’s my calling. I can feel it.
What I do right now is not what I’m meant to do. Who cares what’s written on the back of a direct mail piece that’s advertising telecomm products? That’s not going to change anyone’s life. That’s not going to help anyone. Sure, teaching marketing in and of itself isn’t life changing, but being a professor could be. I would interact with students and have the chance to make a mark on them. At least I could make them laugh a few times a week, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
So the question remains…how do I get there? I haven’t been so sure about something since Mr. T asked me to marry him. This is what I need to do. But how? I’m going to email a few of my past professors and see if I can get any help from them, any insight. I know it might seem weird to wake up one day and say, “Aw, hell. I think I’ll be a teacher when I grow up!”, but if the shoe fits…
And I’ll give extra credit to people who wear pink to class. And while I’m teaching, I’ll be getting my PhD at the same time. Watch out, world. Dr. Rocker is on her way! Or just totally off her rocker…
Haha, that looks like I Go Tit. But I meant I Got It…WOOHOO!!! Guess what I got? Okay, really don’t, because you’ll just guess something cooler than I what I got and then I’ll be pissed that I don’t have the cool thing, so that’s a dangerous game. No guessing, I’ll just tell you. But first, some hints…
I’ve talked about it before…
It’s Chuck-tested, Norris-approved…
And I’ll never end up like this as a result of owning it…
That’s right, I am the proud owner of a gently used Total Gym XL. It’s got the Pilates attachments, chin up bar, leg pulley, squat thingy and all sorts of crap. I can’t wait to get home tonight to use it. Or try, at least. By the time Mr. T hauled it in from the car, he was too tired to set it up and it’s too heavy for me right now, so I just played DDR on the Wii all night. But tonight…I shall work out in the living room while watching American Idol! Woot! GO ME!
It’s not easy, but it can be done. Case in point – I have been planning meals and cooking. Yes, ME. The anti-domestic goddess. And you know what? I.like.it. There, I said it. I like cooking. Even on the weekends. GASP! That’s right, peeps. I got out of bed on Saturday for the sole purpose of making homemade waffles for breakfast. They were heaven. (Sorry, RhoJo – we skipped the chocolate chips. Blasphemy!)
Then, for dinner, I made this recipe from Ellen’s blog. I don’t have a Dutch oven, so I just used a large pot. I don’t know if it makes a difference, but we both loved the end product. I couldn’t find matchstick carrots at the store, so I peeled and sliced them myself…and discovered that I have zero knife skills. I managed to retain all 10 digits, but Mr. T laughed at me a lot. No upcoming appearances on Top Chef for me!
Side note – T’s little 2 year old nephew, our ringbearer, picked out this peeler for us for a wedding gift:
How adorable is that? It works pretty well, too, although the face came into contact with several carrots – the arms could use a slightly better angle. Between that and our piranha pizza cutter, cooking is fun and cute:
In no way will this turn into a blog about cooking or other domestic endeavors, but I will probably pat myself on the back here and there for my few kitchen-based accomplishments.
Onto other subject matter. Specifically, the Golden Globes. Even more specifically, Heath Ledger’s postmortem win. Let me preface the question I am about to pose with a few details: Due to my severe fear of clowns, I have not seen The Dark Knight, but I have seen tidbits of Ledger’s performance. I think he was a truly amazing talent and was deeply saddened by his untimely death. I haven’t seen any of the other films that were nominated for this particular award. That said, however, I have to ask: Do you think he would have won if he hadn’t died?
There was a ton of hype about the movie following his death, so we’ll never know if it would have played out the same way had he lived. He was up against two amazing talents: Ralph Fiennes and Philip Seymour Hoffman (screw the Tropic Thunder nominees, particularly Tom fucking-I-believe-aliens-brought-us-here Cruise). I think the running was probably quite tight between those three, but I have to wonder if the outcome would have been the same if it had been between the same three LIVING talents. I mean, not many comic book-inspired movies win major awards, outside the costume, special effects and original score categories, anyway.
His performace, from what I’ve seen, was undeniably dynamic. The same can be said of the other two nominees. Talent aside, I do tend to think that Ledger’s untimely death will have major influence in the Oscars decision as well. In no way am I implying that he did not deserve the award, I am just curious if things would have gone this way under different circumstances. It doesn’t really matter, and I’m glad to see that he continues to be honored, but the thought has been tossing in my head since last night.
Oh, and I want a mini-sheltie. That’s all for now. Oh, and this:
If I were ever turned into a zombie, I’d keep it a secret until Halloween (you know, I’d be a “vegetarian” zombie – feeding only on the brains of animals). Then, I’d go around biting everyone because they’d just think I was really into my costume.
Consider yourself warned.